


groupchat? i barely know her

by cr4zyfr0g



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Chaos, Clay | Dream & Dave | Technoblade Friendship, Clay | Dream and Grayson | Purpled are Siblings, Friendship, Gen, Group chat, Jschlatt and Toby Smith | Tubbo are Siblings, Rivalry, Sleepy Boys Inc Family Dynamic, Texting, philza kidnapped but also not (real), techno has a pet pig named tater tot, tommy in a trash can what will he do
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:08:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27262489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cr4zyfr0g/pseuds/cr4zyfr0g
Summary: 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗴𝗼𝗱 has added 𝘀𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗶𝘁𝘂𝘀 and 𝗴𝗼𝗴𝘆 to the chat𝘀𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗶𝘁𝘂𝘀 : lmao what the fuck is this𝘄𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗯𝘂𝗿 : hell-grr im unoriginal here have a classic fic concept but make it ✨ mcyt ✨
Relationships: Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 58
Kudos: 740





	1. welcome to hell

| 12 : 05 PM |

**Dadza** has added **big t** , **child** , and 2 others to the chat

**blood for the blood god** : what is this

 **whalebur** : dad ???

 **Dadza** : This chat is supposed to be like a study group for us! I just thought it would be nice to have. 

**blood for the blood god :** i hate to say it but i dont think thats going to happen dad

 **Dadza** : Why not?

 **blood for the blood god** : none of us study for anything

 **big t** : sorry to bothe every one but tomy is stick in a trash bin

 **whalebur** : he got what was coming to him im certain

 **Dadza** : Oh my god

 **blood for the blood god** : also that

 **big t** : wilbur tomywnats u to know hes filled wibt nohing but hate for u

 **whalebur** : the feeling is mutual 

**Dadza** : Help him!

 **big t** : he is so much bigger than me it is ompossible to pull him out

 **whalebur** : i think youre just short

 **big t** : i am not this is bullying

 **Dadza** : Stop fighting! Is there anyone else around to help?

 **whalebur** : send proof

 **big t** : dont telll tommy i did this he willbe mad

[ **big t** has sent three images ]

**blood for the blood god** : im sure whichever freshmen put him in there did an excellent job he looks very secure

 **big t** : he is insulted you thibk he can be defeted by freshman

 **blood for the blood god** : he is barely not a freshman i do not care

 **big t** : we r litrally seniors

 **blood for the blood god** : potato, potahto 

**Dadza** : It's your first day so what the hell, and also HOW did this happen?

 **big t** : he got into afight with dream

 **blood for the blood god** : i take back my previous statements i am now upset where is the green bastard

 **whalebur** : add him to the gc lol

 **Dadza** : I will! This needs to be resolved.

 **whalebur** : no i was joking 

**Dadza** : You don't joke about resolving your problems Wil.

**Dadza** has added **dream** to the chat

**dream** : ???

 **whalebur** : phil oh my god why did you add him

 **dream** : rude

 **blood for the blood god** : you green motherfucker

 **dream** : hello technoblade

 **blood for the blood god** : why is tommy in a trashcan

 **dream** : what

 **dream** : OH MY GOD WAIT

 **dream** : HE'S STILL THERE AHAHAHA

 **big t** : yes he is how do i get him ot ??

 **dream** : ad sap and gorge imlaughgi to hahrd to answer

 **Dadza** : Who?

 **blood for the blood god** : give me admin ill do it 

**Dadza** has given **blood for the blood god** ownership of the chat

**Dadza** : I did not mean to do that.

 **blood for the blood god** : my power only grows stronger

**blood for the blood god** has added **sappitus** and **gogy** to the chat

**sappitus** : lmao what the fuck is this

 **gogy** : ^^^

 **whalebur** : hell

 **big t** : tommy in trash, eplain

 **sappitus** : THAT WAS IN FIRST PERIOD 

**gogy** : his survival instinct should've kicked in ages ago

 **whalebur** : theres no way both tommy and tubbo have skipped class on ther first day of school

 **big t** : i did not know it was alreadt lunch

 **big t** : dream pleas help

 **dream** : im lliterally in class rn i cant help

 **whalebur** : correct me if im wrong dream but you are in college. how did you shove tommy into a trash can at his school

 **dream** : my classes start later than his and also i wanted to stop by and say hello bc its on the way 

**dream** : but he was a bitch

 **sappitus** : its tommy tf were u expecting dream. a friendly hello ??

 **big t** : he is very aggresive

 **gogy** : so that doesnt answer my question .why were we added to this chat

 **Dadza** : I think Dream wanted you here for moral support.

 **gogy** : makes sense. pissbaby

 **dream** : i am going to commit a crime

 **gogy** : LOL do it see if i care

 **dream** : you love me

 **george** : i do not

 **sappitus** : i love yoju dream

 **dream** : look george at least sapnap loves me

 **gogy** : fuck off, both of yoi

 **dream** : yoi

 **gogy** : yoi

 **whalebur** : yoi

 **blood for the blood god** : yoi

 **gogy** : im taking you all off my list of people to thank when im famous

 **big t** : no offense but why do you think you will be famous

 **dream** : i know right . u tell somene theyre kinda funny one time and all the clout rushes to their head

 **gogy** : you are just making things up at this point

 **dream** : WRONG you were all 'oh popular and cool and outstandingly talented dream thank you so much for calling my joke funny i love you so much'

 **sappitus** : this is true, i was there

 **gogy** : you all are liars and your moral compass is as cracked as dreams nose after i broke it

 **dream** : you barely hit me and also we were seven shut up twig arms

 **whalebur** : dream, shhh, let him have his little victory

 **whalebur** : also tubbo, any updates?

 **big t** : ihave been reading th chat out loud ,tommy is laughng but he alsos says he aahs a big heachache from being upside down

 **Dadza** : I'm on my way there

 **whalebur** : sucks to b him i guess

 **blood for the blood god** : ^^^

 **big t** : teacher has dicovered me farewel

 **dream** : which teacher

 **sappitus** : dream what room was the bin outside of you were the only one there 

**dream** : it was ms godfrey i think idk much about her

 **whalebur** : HES FUCKED THEN OH MY GOD DREAM YOU ABSOLUTE MORON

 **gogy** : you all forget i wasnt around for high school in america who is ms godfrey

 **blood for the blood god** : she is literally the bane of my existence. if i had an arch nemesis it would be her

 **dream** : i miss what we used to have </////3 am i not your favorite arch nemesis anymore

 **blood for the blood god** : sorry not sorry but she literally failed me and i am by all definitions a star student i cannot express in words how much she enrages me

 **dream** : you turn in all your assignments at once i would hate you if i was a teacher

 **blood for the blood god** : but do i get anything incorrect? NO. and yet she failed me. nowhere in her curriculum did it say that i couldnt turn in everything in at once

 **whalebur** : technos damn war with this poor woman has sent her into a feud with everyone in our family. it is nothing but pain now. i had her the year after him

 **gogy** : but phil didnt even adopt tubbo how could he be in trouble

 **whalebur** : tubbo is tommy's brother as much as i am at this point. a big happy kind family.

 **blood for the blood god** : i'd honestly argue that tubbo is much kinder to tommy than we are

 **whalebur** : we simply know we cannot be removed from tommy as we are his family and he is but a child

 **dream** : you are so cruel to that poor boy

 **gogy** : dream you sent us a picture of him upside down in a trash can and said 'look at this absolute chump' 

**dream** : shutg up i am trying to have the high moral ground here

 **sappitus** : u havent had the moral high gound since you stole my lunch box in third grade

 **dream** : OH MY GOD ITS BEEN YEARS SHUT UP

 **sappitus** : IT HAD THE LITTLE SANRIO BUNNIES ON IT DREAM !!!!! IT WAS SO COOL!!! 

**gogy** : 'sanrio bunnies' ok we caught the fake stan smh

 **blood for the blood god** : can you imagine being on his level of nerd and not being able to name my melody and kuromi

 **sappitus** : shut up

| 3 : 17 PM |

**Dadza** : I have picked up the two little demons. Nobody knows where Tommy's phone is but they are both suspended so it doesn't matter anyways he cannot have it.

 **whalebur** : LMAO GET FUCKED TOMMY !!! DAD TELL HIM I SAID THAT!!!

 **big t** : i told him he is angry 

**whalebur** : finally i am at peace. all my goals achieved.

 **big t** : he is going to cancel yo

 **blood for the blood god** : he has less than thirty twitter followers and almost all of them are us and his few other friends id like to see him try

 **big t** : you havnt seen his power. he doesnt meant cancel online he means irl

 **dream** : thats incredibly ominous coming from you tubbo

 **sappitus** : how do you even cancel someone irl

 **big t** : immense power , arson

 **whalebur** : sometimes tubbo scares me

 **dream** : i am not one to be regularly intimidated, but agreed 

| 5 : 39 PM |

**blood for the blood god** : i may have broken something

 **whalebur** : ok o ominous one what is it

 **blood for the blood god** : something i definitely should not have broken

 **sappitus** : HE BRKOE DREAMS FCUKMING MASK OH MY GODDDDD

 **whalebur** : ...

 **whalebur** : do you mean the mask he spent months handcrafting to look perfect

 **whalebur** : the one with the led light eyes

 **whalebur** : THE PRIDE AND JOY OF THIS MANS ENTIRE HIGHSCHOOL SHOP CAREER ?????

 **sappitus** : ding ding ding we have a winner

 **gogy** : to be fair dream did threaten tater tot

 **Dadza** : Who is tater tot?

 **blood for the blood god** : nobody do not worry about her

 **whalebur** : YOU NAMED IT ????

 **sappitus** : even made her a tiny paper crown. very touching. until dream stomped it flat.

 **blood for the blood god** : shhh shut up shut up

 **Dadza** : ?

 **gogy** : technos pet pig

 **big t** : tatorrrr 

**Dadza** : Techno's WHAT?

 **sappitus** : YOU DIDNT TELL PHIL ABOUT TATO 

**blood for the blood god** : genius deduction

 **Dadza** : You know I get to decide if we are keeping the pig right? And this deception was not a good first impression?

 **blood for the blood god** : i know but

[ **blood for the blood god** has sent two images ]

**blood for the blood god** : look at her look at her please 

**Dadza** : I have decided we are keeping her.

 **sappitus** : damn i woulda taken her but ok

 **blood for the blood god** : i would never let you have her, you would turn her into bacon 

**sappitus** : yea but it would be good bacon

 **blood for the blood god** : i am going to pull a repeat of what i did to dream

 **whalebur** : ok what even happened w dream

 **gogy** : tech was trying to get revenge for tommy or something. probably just starting a fight . you know them

 **gogy** : and then dream threatens the pig for no reason

 **blood for the blood god** : he got what was coming to him after that

 **sappitus** : for once ill agree w u there

 **blood for the blood god** : i barely threw one punch and the mask snapped. can you imagine having that weak of a defence system 

**dream** : techno

 **whalebur** : oh no the big scary man is here oh me oh my whatever shall i do

 **dream** : shut up wilbur

 **whalebur** : ok pissbaby

 **dream** : i hate you with every bone in my body

 **whalebur** : the average pissbaby has no bones thats not a lot to hate me with

 **dream** : i do not have time to be angry at you i am looking for the blade

 **blood for the blood god** : hello dream

 **dream** : i am going to kill you

 **blood for the blood god** : only if you can catch me

 **dream** : i'm at your dorm

 **blood for the blood god** : i know. the only question now is where am i, if not for my room ?

 **whalebur** : we're eating froyo together tech stop being mysterious

 **dream** : thank you

 **blood for the blood god** : brb strangling wilbur

 **big t** : tommy says to keep us updated onthe fight 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy this pure shitpost material i promise im actually a writer


	2. philza minecraft gets kidnapped **not clickbait**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PHILZA MINECRAFT KIDNAPPED?? TUNE IN THIS WEEK ON DAYS OF OUR LIVES TO FIND OUT

| 11 : 05 AM |

**Dadza** : Does anyone else find it concerning that both Dream and Techno have not been online at all since yesterday?

 **big t** : wilburr ??

 **gogy** : wilbur came back to the dorms last night. seemed rather pissed but hes alright

 **whalebur** : techno nearly fucking decked me and then left me alone to pay for our food i couldnt care less abt the mf

 **child** : LULW ! SUCKS TO BE YOU BIG W 

**Dadza** : Tommy give me your phone.

 **child** : i am using it for school

 **big t** : ure suspended tommy

 **child** : shut up tubbo

 **big t** : sorry

 **Dadza** : You're still grounded, Tommy. Bring me the phone please.

 **sappitus** : lol the child is grounded

 **child** : okay snapple can

 **sappitus** : what the fuck

 **dream** : HAHAHAHAHA SNAPPLE CAN

 **gogy** : DREAM

 **dream** : oh shit

 **dream** : hi georg

 **whalebur** : spiders georg

 **gogy** : do not

**blood for the blood god** has changed **gogy** 's name to **spiders georg**

**whalebur** : LMAO youre an outlier

 **spiders georg** : i hate it here

 **whalebur** : but also TECHNO WHAT THE FUCK WHERE ARE YOU 

**blood for the blood god** : i was never here

**blood for the blood god** has left the chat

**dream** : i should probably also do that

 **spiders georg** : dont u dare

**dream** has left the chat

**spiders georg** : once he reappears im going to beat him up

 **sappitus** : with what u have no muscle mass

 **whalebur** : rip dream clout goggle'd to death

 **spiders georg** : shut up i dont even wear those anymore

 **sappitus** : oh?

[ **sappitus** has sent an image ]

**spiders georg** : i was DRUNK thats not FAIR

 **whalebur** : george we were all there u were the designated driver u literally didnt drink 

**spiders georg** : ...

 **Dadza** : While I do not support drunk parties... Wilbur is right, you were the most sober of everyone there when I arrived.

 **sappitus** : EVEN PHIL AGREES BAHAHAHA GET OWNED !!!

 **spiders georg** : shut up u have no right to say that . u literally got the drunkest out of all of us there

 **sappitus** : youre wrong im not old enough to drink i cant

 **whalebur** : oh i see how it is. now that phil is in the chat, youre all 'i dont drink'

 **whalebur** : explain this

 **sappitus** : do not dare wilbur 

[ **whalebur** has sent a video ]

**spiders georg** : what is that im not opening it in class

 **whalebur** : are you familiar with the dance to the popular song 'slave 4 u'

 **spiders georg** : NO OMG HE DIDNT

 **whalebur** : he tried and then immediately fell off the chair 

**sappitus** : THAT DOESNT MEAN I WAS DRUNK WIL ALSO FUKC YOU THAT WAS NOT A VIDEO U SHOULD HAVE

 **Dadza** : You look absolutely wasted! You're still underage, be more responsible. 

**Dadza** : That being said, your dancing needs some practice.

 **sappitus** : i am beyond mad

 **sappitus** : after we find dream and techno and fight them i will beat wilbur up with my bear hands

 **whalebur** : an empty threat. one hit with a guitar and youre done

 **spiders georg** : how do you know that

 **whalebur** : i think i read it somewhere

 **whalebur** : also bear hands lol

 **sappitus** : shut up

 **big t** : im still confused were is dream and techno

 **whalebur** : they left the chat why havent we added them back yet

 **Dadza** : I set it up so that only chat owners and admins could add people. Techno was the chat owner.

 **spiders georg** : then whos owner now ??

 **Dadza** : Hm I don't know.

 **Dadza** : Everyone, try to add someone random. Whoever can actually add people is the owner, or like, admin or something.

**sappitus** has added **honk** to the chat

 **whalebur** has added **niki :D** to the chat

 **big t** has added **SCHLATT** to the chat

**honk** : huh

 **niki :D** : wilbur what is this?

 **whalebur** : a very painful place i did not think that would work im so sorry

 **SCHLATT** : HEYYY WILBUR

 **whalebur** : ban him from the chat

 **Dadza** : Wait how did you all add people.

 **sappitus** : are we all admin

 **spiders georg** : this will not go well

 **SCHLATT** : WILBUR THATS AN AWFULLY RUDE WAY TO TREAT YOUR BEST FRIEND

 **whalebur** : you are not my best friend i hate you with a passion

 **SCHLATT** : YOU FEEL PASSIONATE ABOUT ME? I KNEW IT

 **whalebur** : that is NOT what i meant and you know it

 **big t** : helo schlatt

 **SCHLATT** : hi hows it going kid

 **big t** : not good philza hasz grounded me

 **SCHLATT** : PHIL WHAT THE FUCK

 **Dadza** : He got suspended.

 **SCHLATT** : THE KID, GROUNDED ???? SURELY YOURE KIDDING

 **whalebur** : to be fair it was tommys fault

 **big t** : nno itwas dreams fault

 **SCHLATT** : IM GONNA KICK HIS ASS WHERE IS HE

 **sappitus** : why do u care so much about that child

 **big t** : i am Not a child >:[ 

**SCHLATT** : hes literally my brother 

**whalebur** : WHAT

 **spiders georg** : UM WHAT

 **SCHLATT** : not like

 **SCHLATT** : _biologically_

 **SCHLATT** : but we literally live together

 **whalebur** : how did we not know

 **SCHLATT** : you never accepted my invitations to come over thats how 

**big t** : tommy knew becoase we are bestfiends and he comes over a lot to scheme

 **whalebur** : little bitch never told us anything 

**Dadza** : I'd like to meet your parents.

 **big t** : who ?

 **SCHLATT** : we live alone 

**whalebur** : since when?? ive seen your parents pick you up

 **SCHLATT** : yeah like in sixth grade

 **SCHLATT** : why does it matter we have to find dream and techno

 **whalebur** : alright whatever

 **honk** : why am i here

 **spiders georg** : idk ask sapnap

 **sappitus** : ur my best bro ofc id add u karl

 **honk** : i think you mean im your husband 😽 😽 😽

 **sappitus** : oh yeah of course 😻 😻 😻 my bad

 **whalebur** : you called karl your bro ?? what happened to the dream team what would dream think

 **spiders georg** : im not sapnaps best bro , heart broken <//3

 **sappitus** : that was scarily close to what he would say

 **spiders georg** : that is why he is my best friend not yours

 **sappitus** : friendship ended with dream and george as of right now

 **honk** : more time to devote to our marraigne

 **spiders georg** : your what

 **honk** : marrige

 **honk** : marrage

 **honk** : dating level up

 **sappitus** : thats such a gamer thing of u to say 

**honk** : but youre a gamer

 **sappitus** : did i say that was a bad thing 

**honk** : lets do what gamers do and kiss then bro

 **sappitus** : woah we havent even held hands yet stop moving so fast bro 

**spiders georg** : stop flirting in the group chat go somewhere else

 **sappitus** : no 

**spiders georg** : what happened to bros before hoes

 **honk** : im his bro AND his hoe

 **honk** : wait

 **honk** : no

 **big t** : hoe ?? 

**whalebur** : they farm together its a thing for people who are married

 **big t** : ah ok

 **SCHLATT** : why dont we ever farm together wilbur 

**whalebur** : blocked

 **SCHLATT** : damn lost another one

 **sappitus** : there are children in this chat stop asking wilbur to farm

 **big t** : i amnot a child

 **spiders georg** : there are philzas in this chat stop asking wilbur to farm

 **whalebur** : im sure dad knows what hoes are he is simply drowning in em 

**Dadza** : That is inapoujhny,(&vwwe 

**SCHLATT** : thank you phil these words of advice will get me through the day

 **Dadza** : omcdcvgnkew00;;

 **sappitus** : is phil having a fucking stroke

 **whalebur** : he told me he was going to look for the missing ones at their 'usual hiding spot' whatever the fuck that means

 **Dadza** : i have taken the dadza phone

 **spiders georg** : give it back

 **Dadza** : add us back to the chat loser

**whalebur** has added **blood for the blood god** and **dream** to the chat

**whalebur** : DID NOBODY TRY THAT EARLIER

 **spiders georg** : we are clowns

 **SCHLATT** : this is the clown car

 **big t** : beep beep

**whalebur** has renamed this chat to **not only the clowns but the whole damn circus**

**dream** : i refuse to be considered a clown im like a cool lion tamer

 **whalebur** : youre a clown because youve stolen my father

 **big t** : give phil too us 

**whalebur** : techno you too

 **blood for the blood god** : im literally just vibing what do you want

 **whalebur** : where is dad

 **blood for the blood god** : thats for me to know and you to find out

 **sappitus** : oh great , techno is being ominous as fuck again

 **whalebur** : techno give phil back or else

 **blood for the blood god** : or else what

 **whalebur** : i dont know. niki help me out here

 **niki :D** : techno please tell wilbur where phil is :(

 **blood for the blood god** : kidnapping cancelled

 **niki** **:D** : :0 yay !!

 **dream** : too bad you dont actually know where he is techno 

**blood for the blood god** : we literally are in the same place tho

 **dream** : you might be. im not :)))) 

**honk** : i thought kidnapping was illegal

 **dream** : consider it borrowing then

 **spiders georg** : you cant BORROW a PERSON ffs

 **dream** : says who

 **SCHLATT** : im pretty sure there are actual laws that say you cant

 **whalebur** : you dropped out of college who says that you know anything

 **big t** : shlatt is very smart you should trust him 

**SCHLATT** : i am getting proof rn

**SCHLATT** has added **sexy terry** to the chat

**sexy terry** : HI

 **SCHLATT** : tell dream that you cant borrow people

 **sexy terry** : i

 **sexy terry** : _what_

 **SCHLATT** : youre studying law or something you should know this

 **sexy terry** : no yeah kidnapping is very illegal

 **spiders georg** : told you so

 **sexy terry** : i just wanna know why i had to be the one to say it

 **dream** : youre a law major ????? doubtful. send proof.

 **sexy terry** : you know me we have had several classes together over the years

 **dream** : i dont know a terry ???

 **sexy terry** : OH IS MY NAME STLL THAT OOPS

 **sexy terry** : its me big q

 **dream** : ah

 **dream** : well im not giving phil back anyways

 **blood for the blood god** : im going to set my pack of feral hogs loose on you

 **dream** : you dont have a pack of feral hogs

 **blood for the blood god** : im going to rent a pack of feral hogs and set them loose on you

 **honk** : where do you rent feral hogs from

 **blood for the blood god** : i know a guy

 **dream** : well as fun as fighting feral hogs sounds i have class now bye losers

**dream** has left the chat

**spiders georg** : hes so dramatic fuck sake

 **honk** : why did he leave the chat

 **sappitus** : probably doesnt want his phone going off in class

 **whalebur** : then just turn the ringer off is he stupid 

**sappitus** : have you met him ???

 **whalebur** : fair enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooop schlatt, karl, niki, and quackity have entered the chat :] 
> 
> also ty for all the comments n kudos that is. so much more than i was expecting on this little train wreck chatfic <333


	3. what the fuck, vore???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *spontaneously combusts* 
> 
> this is really just filler chapter help me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> author is not dead (but tommy might not be after this one) crab rave

| 5 : 36 PM |

**not only the clowns but the whole damn circus**

**whalebur** : any sign of dream since this morning

 **sexy terry** : no i didnt see him in the cafeteria

 **sappitus** : do you spend all your time in the cafateria ??? lmao

 **sexy terry** : yes

 **honk** : wh

 **whalebur** : its true i was there

 **blood for the blood god** : you are joking right

 **sexy terry** : we were hanging out together in the cafeteria and kinda just decided to wait until dream showed up

 **big t** : your gonna fail all your classes 

**whalebur** : ok child you have a suspension dont talk to me about failing

 **SCHLATT** : stop talking to tubbo when hes far above your iq level

 **whalebur** : shut up bitch im going to throw you down a ravine

 **SCHLATT** : aw babe you wanna have a ravine date thats so nice 

**sappitus** : omg another couple karl we should go on a doubel date

 **whalebur** : i swear to fucking god schlatt im not your boyfriend i literally hate you

 **SCHLATT** : more like you ate me

 **sappitus** : vore

 **whalebur** : im filing a restraining order against both of you

 **big t** : what is vore

 **honk** : oh no

 **sappitus** : im sure dream can explain

 **spiders georg** : dont 

**sappitus** has added **dream** to the chat

**dream** : i literally told george to make sure nobody brings me here again im not telling where phil is

 **sappitus** : ok but this is not for that, i have a question for u dream

 **spiders georg** : oh my fucking god dont ask dream to explain vore sapnap

 **sappitus** : i wasnt

 **honk** : sureee

 **sappitus** : my own husband, against me. what has this world come to

 **big t** : but whgt is vore cna i please get answer

 **dream** : when a man and a woman love each other verrry much

 **whalebur** : im blocking u oomf

 **dream** : wdym oomf im not following u block me for all i care

 **whalebur** : noomf doesnt care about me

 **sexy terry** : wilbur flop era

 **whalebur** : shut up ur studying law u dont have the right to say that 

**sappitus** : ok and?? youre british u have no right to speak either

 **sexy terry** : oi mate i bet its chewsday innit 

**whalebur** : blocked

 **dream** : yeah i bet you drink _hot_ tea huh ???? fucking brit

 **spiders georg** : how the fuck else do you drink tea then florida man

 **dream** : ICED YOU DAMN IMBECILE

 **blood for the blood god** : you still drink tea? peasant

 **whalebur** : techno shut the fuck up

 **dream** : how on earth do you stay awake if you dont drink tea thats like 90% of my energy

 **blood for the blood god** : all i need is a coffee with like twenty espresso shots and im ready to be awake for the next 48 hours

 **honk** : have any of you ever tried monster though

 **sexy terry** : we get it youre cool and drink the cool energy drink now shut up karl

 **sappitus** : dont u dare talk to my husband like that

 **SCHLATT** : youre one to talk, you drink fucking _melon milk_

 **big t** : ew

 **sappitus** : for one, CARBONATED melon milk

 **big t** : doubl ew

 **SCHLATT** : AGREED

 **sappitus** : shut up

 **sappitus** : its fucking delicious dont come for me schlagg

 **sexy terry** : LMAO SCHLAGG

 **SCHLATT** : i left my other groupchat for this exact reason dont you dare call me 'schlagg'

 **big t** : othr group chat ?

 **honk** : schlatt clearly has more friends than us this is so sad he does not care

 **sappitus** : retweet if u cried

 **dream** : actually he said he left the other chat so he actually only has us now thats so sad for him

 **SCHLATT** : shut the hell up

 **dream** : you gonna cry? gonna break another keyboard maybe? maybe hang a baby with a wiimote again?

 **SCHLATT** : thats a low blow, especially coming from mr cat shit eater

 **blood for the blood god** : guys, guys, stop fighting i have something to say

 **honk** : what is it techno

 **blood for the blood god** : subscribe to technoblade

 **spiders georg** : leave the chat right now

 **blood for the blood god** : rude

 **honk** : wait isnt dream in this chat why havent we talked to him yet

 **sappitus** : dont bother him i already told him i only added him back for vore

 **honk** : ... _what_

 **big t** : i still dont kno what vore is

 **blood for the blood god** : i am beginning to regret being in this chat

 **sexy terry** : yknow i still could technically just get dream arrested for kidnapping

 **honk** : HOW ??? 

**sexy terry** : im a law major duh

 **dream** : youre lying thats literally not something that a law major can do

 **sexy terry** : you dont know that for a fact though ;)

 **big t** : careful girl hes a lawyer

 **sexy terry** : what girl ???

 **dream** : the only girl here isnt available right now

 **niki :D** : are you talking about me because im right here :D

 **dream** : no

 **sappitus** : he was talking about girl dream

 **niki :D** : oh :[

 **whalebur** : permission to ban dream from chat :) ?

 **blood for the blood god** : we still need to figure out where phil is

 **SCHLATT** : who the fuck is girl dream

 **dream** : its gender time 

**spiders georg** : dream i swear to god dont you dare do this again

 **sexy terry** : ok but like seriously where is phil 

**Dadza** : Hello!

 **whalebur** : WHAT

 **Dadza** : ?

 **spiders georg** : everyones been freaking out for like hours over your disappearance

 **Dadza** : I didn't disappear, what are you talking about?

 **sappitus** : where have you been all day then

 **Dadza** : I was having a conference with Tommy's teacher about unsuspending him. 

**whalebur** : but what about the messages dream sent from ur phone ??? and why didnt tommy just tell us ???

 **Dadza** : I accidentally left my phone at home, as well as Tommy's because he's grounded.

 **dream** : honestly who makes their phone password their birthday 

**dream** : its like it was begging me to pull an epic prank

 **blood for the blood god** : they didnt suspect a thing, like the absolute CHUMPS they are

 **spiders georg** : you guys suck

 **whalebur** : this is why youre not the favorite child techno

 **Dadza** : I don't have favorites!

 **blood for the blood god** : you never defended me or wilbur when we got suspended

 **Dadza** : That's because you never got suspended (somehow), and Wilbur literally broke a guitar over some kid's head.

 **honk** : wilbur did WHAT

 **whalebur** : all he needed was an ice pack dont be so dramatic 

**Dadza** : My point still stands.

 **big t** : so does this mean tommy is un grouned ?

 **Dadza** : Yeah he explained things pretty easily. Dream still hasn't apologized by the way.

 **dream** : IT WAS FUNNY I DONT NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR COMEDY

 **whalebur** : you literally just bullied a child and said 'hey guys laugh at this'

 **sappitus** : yeah but that was funny

 **niki :D** : no it wasnt ?? 

**honk** : ok like your friends are any funnier 

**niki :D** : actually they are im going to add them 

**niki :D** has added **AND CYA** and **bi bi bi** to the chat 

**dream** : who are these people

 **whalebur** : MY SON

 **AND CYA** : fuck off wilbur 

**bi bi bi** : lmao

 **niki :D** : hi guys !! 

**bi bi bi** : what is this

 **honk** : honestly ive been here for like a day and i still dont know

 **big t** : shut ip everyone nobody has answered me yet

 **sexy terry** : no

 **SCHLATT** : THE BIG MAN IS TALKING LET HIM SPEAK

 **big t** : thankyou

 **big t** : alright im only going to ask on more time what is vore

 **spiders georg** : please dont ask this chat that question tubbo

 **AND CYA** : have you ever seen garfield eat an entire pan of lasagna in one bite

 **bi bi bi** : i dont like where this is going

 **AND CYA** : its kinda like that except with a human and also not like that at all

 **child** : what the fuck did i come back to

 **big t** : i am getting educated 

**child** : who are all these new bitches and can i add people now

 **whalebur** : stop calling your friends bitches

 **child** : ok bitch boy 

**blood for the blood god** : dont invite anyone else to this chat tommy

 **child** : why not

 **blood for the blood god** : your friends are all children i dont want to talk to them

 **child** : fuck this im inviting my friends because they are NOT children we are very big men

**child** has added **the man behind the slaughter** and **ranboob** to the chat

**child** : HELLOOO BOYS

 **ranboo** : where am i who are these people

 **child** : im literally your best friend 

**ranboob** : what

 **big t** : what 

**child** : im just kidding tubbo you know we are so cool like that

 **big t** : yeah fuck you too

 **ranboob** : please do not bring me into your issues you clearly have a lot going on

 **child** : you suck tubbo

 **ranboob** : im just gonna mute this chat

 **bi bi bi** : honestly that sounds like its for the best

 **the man behind the slaughter** : what is going on gamers B)

 **dream** : hey ! never speak again thanks

 **the man behind the slaughter** : wow this is why mom loves me more

 **dream** : im omw to beat you up

 **the man behind the slaughter** : mom is going to literally kick your ass if you come to the house without calling ahead again

 **sappitus** : oh hi purpled 

**honk** : purpled ????

 **spiders georg** : dreams brother who is actually cooler than him

 **dream** : you know you love me georgee 

**spiders georg** : you need to be sedated

 **sappitus** : purpled is the funnier brother dream just admit it

 **dream** : my own homies turned against me. i see how it is 

**sappitus** : wait no dream

 **dream** : no more homie cuddles for you 

**honk** : its fine the only homie sapnap needs to cuddle is me

 **sappitus** : literally kiss me karl

 **child** : what the fuck are they doing

 **big t** : deffo flerting

 **child** : disgusting

 **bi bi bi** : so dream has a brother ???

 **child** : imagine having to live with the green bastard 

**big t** : i would simpley not do it

 **child** : well you are one to talk tubbo 

**SCHLATT** : what the fuck are you implying

 **child** : shut up old man

 **SCHLATT** : im not even that old

 **dream** : tommy is jealous because hes like 7

 **child** : i am going to beat the shit out of you piss boy

 **sappitus** : oo you heard him dream, be very afraid of the child

 **child** : how do i change my name

 **big t** : ask tecnho

 **child** : alright

 **Dadza** : Tommy stop running in the house, I can hear you from the living room.

 **spiders georg** : is tommy actually going to tell techno irl LMAO

 **big t** : i meant like dm him or somehting

**blood for the blood god** has changed **child** to **BIGGEST MAN**

**blood for the blood god** : YES POGCHAMP

 **blood for the blood god** : also my name is techno and i am a bitch boy LMAO

 **the man behind the slaughter** : what just happened

 **dream** : are you stupid or something clearly tommy took technos phone

 **sappitus** : of course hes stupid dream, it runs in the family

 **dream** : blocked and reported for abuse

 **honk** : im going to report your mom

 **sappitus** : HA good one karl

 **honk** : thanks bb

 **ranboob** : can we get the gay people out of chat please

 **the man behind the slaughter** : ranboo comes out as homophobic not clickbait

 **ranboob** : i hate men

 **BIGGEST MAN** : AY ILL DRINK TO THAT BIG MAN!!!

 **big t** : all men are Evil

 **BIGGEST MAN** : this is why we are Friends, tubbo

 **big t** : sure

 **BIGGEST MAN** : i fear techno has realized where his phone i

 **dream** : HAHAHAH WHAT A LOSER

 **Dadza** : Wilbur would you mind breaking Tommy and Techno's fight up I do not want to go upstairs.

 **whalebur** : ffs i have to do everything here

 **whalebur** : fine

 **blood for the blood god** : i am going to stab you all to death

 **Dadza** : What.

 **blood for the blood god** : not you philza minecraft, never you

 **blood for the blood god** : watch your back tommy. i am everywhere

 **BIGGEST MAN** : try me Bitch

 **big t** : o no 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i leave this fic alone for a month and then some and its got. way more reads and kudos n shit yoooo ??!?! thanks uh idk what to say,, <33


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